Heart to Heart Chat With You
I put a great deal of thought into how to get my message out to voters. The more I thought about it, I did not want to do the “campaign as usual” literature filled with political rhetoric and empty promises, that said little of nothing that the people could truly identify with. This just did not suit me. Nor was it my way of talking with voters, and since sharing a “heart-to-heart” talk is exactly what I wanted to do, I decided to just be myself, and to have a warm chat with you from the depths of my heart and to continue chatting throughout my website and Congressional Campaign Journal.
I first wrestled with the notion of running for office because government and politics have become so dysfunctional. Teaching Political Science at the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga, and seeing how the government should operate, then in reality seeing just how far we have missed the mark, grieves me deeply, because I know that when government is dysfunctional, this means the people will suffer.
I see and have seen so much misuse and abuse of power until it has become enough to make me want no parts of politics. I also see many good people stay away from politics and from running for public office simply because of this. Partisan politics have created divides at a time when our nation needs to stand as one. We align not so much with what is right, just and good, but with what is in the best interest and furtherance of party politics and self political interest and grandeur. Unfortunately, this has created a climate of some of the most arrogant, and power abusive government practices and elected officials our country, and in some cases even our states, and cities have seen. The blood thirstiness for power at any cost has caused many to do almost anything, even if it hurts others or is not in the best interest of the people.
Campaigns have become mean spirited opportunities to not inform the people and to show which candidate is most qualified, but rather they are often used to destroy the very heart and soul of the opponent. Money is poured into campaigns and wasted, while there are people going to bed hungry, waking up hungry and unable to meet basic needs.
I have seen so much hurt and pain of those suffering and seemingly no one hears or cares enough to do anything about it. The elderly who cannot afford medication or feel as if they are no longer useful to society, although they have worked hard and have contributed so much during their lifetime. The widows and widow’s children who are left to fend for themselves, having to face ordeals and dilemmas that are unique only to those who have suffered this kind of lost. The unemployed that have just about given up hope, after seeing much of what they have owned now being in jeopardy of being lost and in many cases this already having happened. Those willing, ready, and able to work, but not able to find employment. The despair of those who cannot make ends meet even though they are working hard everyday. Those who cannot live off minimum wages and fixed incomes living from paycheck to paycheck, and from month to month. Those who are sick and cannot get adequate medical attention. Those who are dying, and could live or have the quality of their lives greatly improved, but they have no insurance, cannot afford it, or have been denied. I see the hopelessness in the eyes of children who do not have because their parents can barely put food on the table, keep the lights and water on, and a roof over their heads. Many nights I have laid in bed unable to sleep, waking in the morning still so heavy and burdened for what I see, and in some cases have experienced during the course of my widowhood. But for my faith that there can be change, when there is a change of heart and leadership, I would not embark upon the mission of this campaign.
I also wrestled with how to present myself as a candidate who has a strong, personal, close and practical spiritual relationship with God, which may run deeper than some have experienced. I know to down play or to give up this part of me was not an option. However, to display it as one that is relational and spiritual, rather than religious is important to me. I also do not want it to preclude those who may not be where I am spiritually in their relationship with God or share the same religious beliefs. Neither do I want to exclude those who have the option not to believe at all.
I don’t know any other way to address any of the concerns I have and what I feel, other than to just begin a dialogue with you, and hopefully somewhere within that, we all will share a common ground and a common concern in which we all can come together, and work for the good of the people of the Maryland Fifth Congressional District.
First, let me begin by saying that I love and care about all of the people of the Third Congressional District. Not just those who are Republicans, Democrats, Independents or those who share my common ethnicity or beliefs. But all of you. I don’t profess to love you because I am running for Congress. I love you because in a world where there is so much hate, there is such a need to be loved, and to love each other unconditionally. This means, because of, regardless of, and even in spite of, we all have reasons to love each other. Because love is the one thing I have plenty to give, I offer it to all of the people of the Third District, freely, uninhibitedly and unconditionally.
I also want you to know that many of the dilemmas you faced, so have I faced the same. Sometimes having been there and done that, is the best lesson needed in identifying with the people you serve. So let me encourage those of you who are struggling and having to deal with issues within your lives, which affect your mental, physical, social, political, economic, educational, environmental, and personal welfare. These are times when we all are vexed at some time or another with issues that cause us deep concern. I understand many of those dilemmas because I too have had to face them. I pour my heart out, so that you will know that you are not alone. Perhaps in me sharing this with you, will be an encouragement to you to hang in there, not lose faith, and to believe for better and brighter days.
April 8, 2018 it will be twenty-seven years ago that I faced a dilemma, which was harder than anything I had experienced in life. It was one in which increased my compassion for those who are hurting, and has prepared me to fulfill my life’s purposes. It also acts as a foundation for servicing and understanding the dilemmas others experience. I was 37 years old, happily married to a man who also was my very best friend, had a precious and beautiful little three year old daughter, our law firm was finally taking off after four years of private practice, we loved each other, and life was full of dreams and expectations for us being together for the rest of our lives – with each year getting even better. But God in his sovereign wisdom, thought it to be necessary to bring that marriage to a devastating end, through the death of my husband.
The memories of that day when Bobby suffered an aneurysm are forever etched in my mind. They are just as fresh today, as they were seventeen years ago. However, as painful as they were, in those memories and those that followed, is a memorial of the faithfulness and sufficiency of God’s grace, which is more powerful than anything that has happened in my life. So powerful that I could never curse the pain or the emptiness, and found the strength to endure. It is in all of this that I learned some very valuable human lessons of survival and compassion beyond even the compassion I already had. Please allow me to share some of the excerpts from one of the books I have written.
[Excerpt from: Deep Called Unto Deep, Chapter One and The Widow's Journal of the Sufficiency of God’s Grace.]
Each night for about a year, I got up around 11:45 p.m., and prayed until dawn. This was something in which both my husband and I were faithful to, right up until two weeks before his death. I know now why I had to do this. The more I prayed, the more God prepared me for what was to come. He did this through dreams. The most disturbing of all the dreams, I have never shared. It was the one where violent muddy waters were washing the foundation from up under our house. In the dream, Bobby placed LaShunda in my arms, and took us over to one side of the treacherously rushing muddy waters. Then he crossed over to the other side. I could see him, as he was backing up in the water. I screamed, “Bobby, don’t leave us over here! We are getting separated from you.”
With his body facing me, he didn’t say a word. I fought to get to him. With everything inside of me, I struggled against the swift currents to be with him. But I couldn’t! LaShunda and I were washed away, and we could not get back to where he was. I remember how hard, cruel and cold the waters felt as we struggled to survive without Bobby’s help. They just swept us further and further away from him, until finally we could no longer see him.
I awakened from the dream, drenching wet with an emptiness that can never be described in words. I never mentioned the dream to Bobby. All day I was not myself. Even for the next three or four days, I could not shake off the horror of the dream. It was at times like this, that the gift of wearing the prophetic mantle became a burden of the heart, more than a gift. It was at these times that I would have rather not have been shown what was to take place in the future. But because of knowing, God used it to prepare and get me ready for what was to come.
The week of his aneurysm was also the week of my birthday. Beginning that Monday, I continued to dream of death. I kept seeing and smelling blood. Then I saw a car accident where the two of us were killed, while on the way to the office. Blood was everywhere. But God spoke and said, “It will not happen this way.”
It seemed each time I closed my eyes, I saw death and blood. By then, God had taken me off the midnight to dawn prayer duty. Including that week, it had been two weeks since He would not allow us to pray. It wasn’t until after Bobby’s death that I was given the reason why. I asked God, why had I not been able to pray for those two weeks, because I knew had I been praying, this would not have happened.
God said, “Jean I had to stop you and Bobby from praying. Each time I sent the death angels, they reported back to me that your prayers withstood them, and they were not able to enter the threshold, or through any other entrance to get to Bobby. Your prayers kept them out! The angels reported, ‘ We can’t get in! They have a prayer covering over the house!’ The fervent prayers of the three of you, including your child’s prayers, were so strong, that death could not enter the threshold. Therefore, I had to stop you from praying, in order for me to keep my divine schedule in fulfilling the predestined purpose I had for all three of your lives.”
He then told me that Bobby was on loan to me, as a divine mate, until it was the time and season for him to take me through my season of widowhood.
After weeks of prophetic dreams, that night as we returned home from the Hamilton County Republican Party Convention, we both went to bed very quietly. This was very unusual for us. There was never a night, we did not talk before going to sleep. No matter how late it was, we always unwound by talking about our day or pre-planning the next day. But that last night together, we very somberly and very solemnly retired, just prayed, and went to sleep.
At 4:34 a.m., I was awakened to the sound of his body hitting the bathroom floor. I rushed to the bathroom to find Bobby lying in a pool of blood. I understood the car crash. Had he had the aneurysm while driving to work that day, we both would have been killed. For the first time in my life, I lost it for a moment. I did manage to call 911, and my sister Pat. After that I remember standing in the back door in the rain, crying out to God. For that moment, I did not have the strength to handle this. Although I had been given prophetically that this day would come, I was not completely prepared for it to take place so soon.
The paramedics placed Bobby on the stretcher. The sounds he made, as he gasped for air were so horrifying. I can never remove them from my mind. Neither can I forget the sight of him bleeding from his ears, nose and mouth. Seventeen years later, and I still hear the sounds, and see and smell his blood.
LaShunda had gone into the bathroom and saw him lying there. My sister Pat took her into another room. She then went back into the bathroom to get up Bobby’s blood.
The ambulance left, but I did not leave with it. I had to seek God, because I knew I was about to lose my sanity, unless God stepped in. I went to our church, and fell down at the altar. I could not speak a word of English. Every word I spoke, with the exception of the word Hezekiah was in prayer language. I could feel others coming in and kneeling beside me. Apparently someone had alerted our church family of what had happened, and they had come there also to pray.
Finally God spoke, and said, “Jean, you and Bobby have both walked in the center of My will. Now it is My will that I take Bobby home to be with Me. But because I love you so much, I will give him back to you, if you cannot bear this loss. But to do this is not My divine will. What I want to do in your life, and the life of LaShunda will be greater than a lifetime of ministry with the three of you. I need to borrow your life, and LaShunda’s life for a time and a season, and I need to take Bobby home. He has completed his course, and it is time for him to enter into his rest.”
Those words cleared my mind, and caused me to focus on the spiritual significance of what was happening. It was a hard choice. However, Bobby and I had vowed that no matter what, we would always choose God’s will, and not our own will. I told God that I was scared, and that I did not believe I could make it through this without him. I did not want Bobby to be taken. What was LaShunda and I to do? We loved Bobby so much. All three of our lives were so meshed and intertwined together, that to separate us would be like ripping out a part of us. I could feel the hollow place forming. Already, I felt a part of me had died. The pain was so unbearable that my body literally collapsed. I remember God picking me up, and taking His Hand and wiping my eyes.
“My grace is sufficient for you,” God said. Then He added, “I cannot promise you that it will be easy, only that My grace shall always prove to be sufficient enough for every test and every trial.”
I listened carefully to every word God spoke to me, blocking out everyone else who was there. God gave me a summary of my widowhood, and what LaShunda and I would have to face during this period of suffering and testing He had ordained. He did this so that I would not blindly say yes, without knowing the rocky and long road that lie ahead of us.
“From this hour on you will enter into some of the worse trials and testing that you ever have experienced in your life. You will go through storms that will continue to vehemently rage throughout the period of your widowhood. You will be swallowed up by the waters, and will be submerged into the oceans, and will find yourself on the bottom of the Dead Sea for a time and a season. I AM going to take you through valleys so deep that you will have to look up to see the bottom. You will be betrayed by those closest to you, and those who once were your friends will turn bitterly against you for no reason or just cause. You will be separated from the presence of your family, and will even find some breaches in the close relationships you have with some family members. The aching of your heart will sometimes overcome you, and the burden will become so heavy that you will be paralyzed under the load. You will be tested in fire heated seven times, seventy-seven times hotter than usual. You will be the object of falsehoods, and evil words will be spoken against you that will crush your heart, and almost break your spirit. You will be accused of things, and hurled into court by those who mean you great harm, and you will not be allowed to defend yourself. You will not be able to use your law degree to practice law, and neither will you be able to use all of the talents, skills, and abilities I have given you to avoid the walk in poverty and lack which I have ordained for you during this season of your life.”
This was overwhelming to me, yet inside I felt strengthened in knowing that this was the ordained path God had for me, and I had to walk it out. God continued.
“But in all of this, I will be with you, and My Grace always shall prove to be sufficient. Remember every hour of your journey, and mark every step! For I AM going to use every inch of your walk into widowhood, and LaShunda’s walk as a fatherless child, for My Glory, honor and praise. Through it all, you shall see the sufficiency of My Grace at work! And in the end, I shall restore unto you everything that you willingly have given up, and shall use you as a Valley Guide for those who are in the valley. As you lie on the bottom of the Dead Sea, you will discover the wealth of lives that are thought to be of no value, dead and unsalvageable. But you will know how to redeem them, and salvage their lives, turning them into something good and valuable to Me.
The storms will make you strong, and will cause your feet to be anchored firmly. Even when the worse and most fierce winds blow, you shall not be moved. The betrayals will teach you how to be a loving, trustworthy and loyal friend, even to your enemies. The lies and slanderous words will keep the words of your mouth from being injurious to others, and will cause you to carefully weigh each word you speak. From this you will know the poison that the tongue can issue, and will use your tongue to speak life and blessings, instead of death and malice.
The family breaches will cause you to move outside of those of your own bloodline, and to embrace those who are without family. From this, you will learn to be a sister to other sisters and brothers who have no siblings, and will love and cherish them as if you came from the same womb.
Your lack will teach you how to be a good steward over My assets, and how to take a little and make it much. It will allow you to walk in the shoes of those who are without, and are hurting, crying out to Me each day for relief. You will know the cries of the poor and needy, and will not fail to render to them justice, and to meet their needs. You will lack, but no one will know it, because even in your lack, I shall always be more than enough. Never shall anyone discover your poverty. For they shall never see anything other than the mark of wealth, and prosperity upon you. Therefore, many will covet what they think you have, and come to hate you because of envy and jealousy. And because of the mark of wealth and prosperity that is upon you, many will not come to your rescue, because I have ordained it to be this way.
The firery testing will be used to purge you of the imperfections within, and to cleanse you of those secret faults that harbor within you. Your latent sins and faults will be discovered, so that they can be purged. I have turned up the heat on you because where I AM taking you, and how I will use you, you will have to be burned to a crisp, and reduced to nothing more than ashes. But out of those ashes you will arise like a Phoenix, and will become the burnt offering upon the Divine Altar of Sacrifice that gives Me great pleasure, and is ready to do resurrective works. The aching of your heart will cause you to ache when others ache, and to know and feel the sufferings of those around you. You will become a true servant, who follows only my commands, and is humbled and pleased to serve others in the fullness of love, and lowliness of spirit.
Through all of this, you will walk parallel with Me in my sufferings, and shall come to have a deeper understanding of My Grace and who I AM as God. In this, you shall never seek your own glory, but shall always glorify Me and Me alone. Your widowhood, and LaShunda’s fatherlessness, shall bring you into relationship with Me, where I shall be your husband and her father. The intimacy we shall share, shall allow you to hear even the whispers I place in your ears. And before it is all over, you will have crawled up into My bosom, so close and intimately with Me that you will feel even when I inhale and exhale. My very breath shall be the breath you breathe. My life shall become your life, and My desires shall become yours. You shall take on My nature and character, because you have become one with Me. I will not have to say a word, and you will be able to read the expressions of God, and know what is on My mind. Your walk for this period is ordained by Me, so never regard it as anything other than a blessed walk, no matter how hard it gets. As you walk parallel with Me, and endure the like manner of suffering I endured, it also shall bring you into the season where you shall reign with Me. For I have said in My word that “he who suffers with Me, shall also reign with Me”, and shall be “heirs and joint heirs with Me”.
It shall also give you the Heart of God, and take you Behind the Veil, and into the depths of My Spirit, where I shall reveal unto you the mysteries and secrets of time, eternity, and infinity which are only given to those of whom I can trust with it because I know they love Me and regard Me more than their own lives.
Now clothe yourself in My Grace, and prepare to enter into the Veil. For this period of suffering, purging and testing is the only way to rend the veil of your earthly temple, and cause it to open to that spiritual dimension, which goes beyond flesh and blood, so that you might enter into the depths of Me. Many desire to enter, but they have refused to go the length, height, depth and breadth of My suffering, so that they might have full access to the knowledge of God. But today, I offer you and LaShunda this opportunity and privilege to go as deep as humanly possible into the Infinite Realm of Spirit, where you shall see Me as I AM, and know Me in the fullness of My power and might.”
After Bobby’s death, everything was just as God had said. There were no exaggerations! From that hour on, it was as if all the demons in hell were turned loose on LaShunda and me. But I knew there was more to it, which had to do with birthing and fulfilling divine purpose within all three of our lives, that in time God would reveal. However, for the hours and for the years to come, I had to trust God with all of my heart, not lean to my own understanding of the circumstances, but continue to seek God’s guidance to direct my path and the path of my daughter, who now was without her father.
My only comfort was that as we faced each trial, God continued to say, “Remember it, and do not forget what you experience in the valley. Mark each path you take. Accept every purging, because it is a process to clean you up and to refine you so that you can be used as a vessel. Learn every lesson I AM teaching you. Through every moment of adversity, never curse your suffering. Instead, count it both a blessing, as well as a privilege to have been called to such a task. Therefore, endure it with a smile and never complain. Never forget the paths you both have traveled, because I AM going to use each step you take, and each experience you have had, to touch other lives, and to bring healing and relief to those who also are in or shall travel the same path. So see it as your Valley of Baca, instead of your Valley of Widowhood, where your faith in Me turns every tear into a stream within the desert, and a pool of autumn rain to refresh and sustain you during these difficult times. …And If you trust Me, at the end of your journey, I Your God, who also is the God of the valley as well as the mountain, shall arise as One who is faithful, just and true, and shall turn every moment of adversity into triumph, and shall take that which was meant for your hurt and harm, and shall turn it into something good, not just for you and your daughter, but also for countless others throughout the world. So be encouraged!”
Now twenty-seven years later, I understand how all of it, the good as well as the bad, played a crucial role in the persons God has made my daughter and me to be. It is interesting how everything in our lives tie into something else, whether we understand or have an appreciation for it or not.
It is all a part of our life’s destiny. It also plays a crucial role in the Process of Political Socialization, which determines who we are politically, and helps us to shape our political opinions. This is why I thought it important to provide you with a frank, open and honest window into who I am. In this way, throughout what I have themed as my Maryland Fifth District Congressional Candidate’s Journal, as I intimately share with you who I am, you will see how as a candidate, my entire life, and who I am personally, ethnically, educationally, professionally, socially and spiritually have shaped and molded me into the candidate that I am. Hopefully, this also will give you a window into the kind of Congresswoman I will be.
Thank you for the opportunity to be me, to share with you, bear my heart, mind and soul, and to have you listen, as I continue this chat with you as I meet you along the campaign trail.
Much LOVE to ALL of you and may God bless you!
Jean
